7 Keys To Child Obedience
Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This is the tool that allows you as parents to train your child. Through obedience your child will learn self-control and develop other positive character traits that he will need as an adult.
However obedience cannot be forced upon the child. Parents who simply command their children will foster resentment which will eventually lead to rebellion. In fact some researchers feel that poor parenting techniques contribute to the development of oppositional defiant disorder in some children. Although you can punish a child for not obeying this will not foster any long-term obedience. When the child reaches his teen years and becomes more independent punishment will only serve to destroy the already faltering parent child relationship.
Our goal then is not to force our children to obey us but to get them to want to obey us. This willingness to obey will only come about if the parents commands are based upon seven principles.
1-Loving Concern for the Child
A child knows quickly whether a parents demands are for the sake of the child or for the personal convenience of the parent. If the parents primary motive for giving orders is to make his own life easier then the child learns to place his own interests first also. If you want to be successful in raising your child then your reason for giving orders must be for the benefit of your child. When your child senses that your demands are for his sake he will much more readily obey you. He knows that it is for his own good. He will know that any demands made of him no matter how unpleasant come from a genuine concern for his welfare.
2-Sincere Respect for the Child
Parents must respect their children. This is a concept that is not well practiced by our society. Western society focuses on possessions. Somehow in the back of many parents minds their children are counted among those possessions. We must remember that our children are not objects but people. As people they are deserving of respect. We must remember to give respect to our child to the same degree we would like others to respect us.
3-Patience
Very often our children do things that bother us. This is usually unintentional on their part and is just a reflection of their immaturity. However if we show our children that we are annoyed they will begin to resent us. This resentment feeds their desire to rebel against our wishes. One of our goals as parents must be to try to keep our negative emotions in check.
4-Speak Softly
When we speak in a soft voice it also conveys strength. We show our children that we are in control of the situation and not merely reacting to it. If the only step you take is to control the volume of your voice particularly in stressful situations that alone will foster better child compliance. You will find that everything around you goes more smoothly.
5-Make Moderate Demands
No one likes having demands placed upon him. Children are no different. Yet we are constantly commanding our children. We feel that as parents we must take steps to correct every misdemeanor that we see. When the orders become excessive or arbitrary the parent becomes more like a dictator that an educator.
The general rule is that if a certain behavior is not something your child will be doing as an adult and if it is not dangerous then you should not make it a priority to correct.
6-Follow Through
Even if you do all that has been mentioned so far you will still need to give your child orders. When you do so you must be firm and make sure that your child obeys. If you give your child an instruction you must insist that he fulfill it. Often it will be easier or more convenient to just overlook disobedience. This is the end will erode your authority as a parent.
7-Be Free with Yes but not with No
We must try to grant every reasonable request our children make of us. They should feel that we are giving to them freely and in overflowing abundance at all times. You should make it a rule to give your child whatever he wants unless you have a good reason not to do so.